From Guilt to Healing: A Mother's Journey of Overcoming Her Child's Suicide Attempt Through Faith and Spirituality

The experience of a child attempting suicide is a harrowing and life-altering event for any parent. The emotional toll it takes can be overwhelming, leaving behind a trail of guilt, fear, and despair. However, in the midst of darkness, some find solace, strength, and healing through their faith and spirituality. This article explores my journey of a mother who, after my teenage Childs suicide attempt, turned my faith and spirituality to find a path to recovery and resilience.

The Guilt and Heartbreak:

It was July 25th, 2020, I was at the barbershop taking my son to get a haircut when I got the call that my daughter had taken a handful of pills. My niece is crying and screaming on the phone not knowing what to do. Thankfully my mom was with me, and we both called 911 as I rushed to get my son out of that barber's seat & into my car.

I couldn't believe it, my daughter? Yea, my daughter, her life was on the line as I rushed out of the barber shop and on my way home. It's so traumatic I don't even remember what happened when I arrived home, or the ride to the hospital. It's such a blur. All I remember is seeing her in the hospital hooked up to all kinds of ivy's.

As I arrived there, she opened her eyes and started crying & said "Mom he did it, he did it, I hate him!" and for that we can leave for another conversation when she's ready to share that part of her journey. 

I was in total disbelief. Who did what to my baby? Why didn't I know about this? Guilt often becomes an unwelcome companion, as questions like "Could I have done something differently?" and "Why didn't I see the signs?" weigh heavily on my heart. For me, the guilt was all-consuming, threatening & I was drowning in sorrow at that very moment.

She was in the hospital for one week; was on suicide watch with a security guard that didn't leave her side the whole time she was there. I stayed with her every day as I tried to grasp my new reality, our new reality. Inside I was dying and was so disappointed in myself. I had messed up. I had lost sight of my whole purpose in life. To protect my kids & be there for them. I was the one who had been through so much trauma the last thing I wanted was for her to experience an oz of what I have gone through.

Going back to where I was

My harsh truth...I remember I was newly single, & I had just settled into my new independence. Life was different for me so around that time I had started traveling alone to visit friends in different states once a month. My social media was over 125k followers, the money was coming in from every angle and I felt like I was unstoppable. The attention from my PERSONAL social media became addicting. I was high off my own level of attention I was getting at the time. I was so tapped into social media and tapped out of the real world. I was disconnected from my own reality, and I had no Idea until the day I was met with almost losing my baby girl. The daughter I planned and wanted so desperately when I was 16, only to realize she needed me so desperately at the same time in her 16th year of life. wow. Life really comes full circle when I put in that perspective.

I remember a few days before this happened, she had told me she needed to talk to me, and I was so mentally exhausted from how busy I was with my business I let that be the reason to tell her We'll talk later. Not knowing that she needed me at that moment, there was no talking later. This is exactly why it's so important to me now as a mother to remain connected to my children's feelings now. This is the moment I regret every day. Whenever my kids say they need to talk, I stop everything I'm doing and sit down and listen.

Finding Faith and Spirituality:

In this very dark moment for me I had no other choice but to turn to my faith for guidance and direction. My spirituality became an anchor providing me with a sense of purpose and hope amongst the chaos I was dealing with in my life. 

Here are some ways in which faith and spirituality played a pivotal role in my healing journey:

1. Prayer and Meditation: Daily prayers and meditation allowed me to connect with a higher power and find moments of inner peace. These practices helped me release guilt and anxiety.

2. Community Support: I found comfort in the community. I shared my story on Tiktok and I was able to connect with others who had experienced similar challenges, & we openly shared our struggles and offered each other support and empathy.

3. Forgiveness: My faith taught me the power of forgiveness, both for myself and my daughter. I learned to release the burden of guilt and acknowledge that I had done her best I could for what I knew and didn't know at the time. This really takes time because till this day I struggle with the trauma that she has gone through.

4. Strength Through Belief: Believing that my daughter had a purpose in life and that there was a divine plan provided me with renewed strength. I saw I needed to be the source of love and support for my baby. I know that the things that she has been thorough she will be able to help those around her & I notice that she does. Shes so resilient.

5. Counseling and Therapy: Alongside my spiritual practices, we sought some help from my a real spiritual coach which led my daughter to her own spirituality. She taught us how to tap into our inner self and connect. Through this it has given her so much strength as she practices and continues on her personal journey of self-healing.

Overcoming the Guilt:

The journey from guilt to healing was not without its challenges, but with time and faith, I began to find peace within myself some days better than the others. Overall, are some ways that you may find helpful in your own healing process:

1. Self-Compassion: Practicing self-compassion was crucial. Learn to treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend in a similar situation. Were humans, were not perfect.

2. Continued Support: I leaned on my spiritual coach Maydelli for faith and strength, recognizing that I didn't have to walk this path alone. I also am so thankful for my core of best friends Brittany (Nina), Crystal, Marlene who were there for me during this time. As well as my immediate family, especially my mom for being such a rock in our lives. & I certainly can't forget my daughter's grandma, on her dad's side, her auntie Angie, Laura and uncle Mavie (nino), & eddie. They have been such a huge support system in her life. It really takes a village. I'm so blessed with the best.

3. Focused on the Present: I found strength in focusing on the present moment, rather than dwelling on the past or fearing the future. This mindfulness helped me manage anxiety and guilt. I had to focus on realizing the now and that no matter what the past was it now something that I would have to do the healing for.

4. Advocacy and Awareness: I became an advocate for mental health awareness and suicide prevention. By sharing my story, I aim to reduce the stigma surrounding mental health challenges. This is why I share my stories because the amount of messages I receive never go unnoticed. Thank you, guys, for connecting with me and sharing your stories.

The way I've changed as a mother and how I connect with my kids is something that I had to learn the hard way.  I would never wish this feeling upon anyone. The emptiness I've struggled with through the years & the panic that wakes me up in the middle of the night is scary at times. I'm so thankful for the amazing man I have in my life these days that constantly reminds me of the amazing mom and woman I am even when on days I don't feel it at times myself. Having the right people around is so so important.

The journey from guilt and heartbreak to healing is a deeply personal story of mine. For me as a mother, faith and spirituality became integral components of my recovery which I am still healing from. While the scars may remain, my journey exemplifies the possibility of finding hope, strength, and meaning even in the face of life's most painful challenges.

As I continue my journey as a Lash mentor my life experiences continue to help me connect with each and every student along the way. I'm no better than the next, all I have is the authenticity to keep it real with myself and the determination to believe, & to let every student know they can get through whatever they are going through as well. Its more than lash extensions, we are all in this life thing together.

If you have had a similar experience or been affected by suicide, please leave a comment. 

Love & Strength,

-The Oc Lash Fairy